It seems that in the past couple of years that my life has been a string of constant goodbyes followed by a round of hellos. And no matter how many times I have to do it, saying goodbye is the worst thing in the world.
The traveler's lifestyle may seem glitzy and glamorous but the harsh reality of it is that can get pretty lonely. Scratch that, very lonely. Your life becomes a never-ending nightmare of tears, packing and unpacking, and trying to hold it together as your plane lifts off.
This last year in particular has been really challenging for me. I met my soulmate in a once-in-a-lifetime, the universe-was-on-our-side kind of way and it was glorious. Yet immediately after coming into each others' lives we were pulled apart by distance. He lived in Hawaii and I lived in San Francisco. I flew back and forth a couple of times, never staying for very long due to school schedules (darn school!). And then we hit a 6-month deployment. A deployment in which I had absolutely no contact from him for 78 days.
It.
Was.
Awful.
The traveler's lifestyle may seem glitzy and glamorous but the harsh reality of it is that can get pretty lonely. Scratch that, very lonely. Your life becomes a never-ending nightmare of tears, packing and unpacking, and trying to hold it together as your plane lifts off.
This last year in particular has been really challenging for me. I met my soulmate in a once-in-a-lifetime, the universe-was-on-our-side kind of way and it was glorious. Yet immediately after coming into each others' lives we were pulled apart by distance. He lived in Hawaii and I lived in San Francisco. I flew back and forth a couple of times, never staying for very long due to school schedules (darn school!). And then we hit a 6-month deployment. A deployment in which I had absolutely no contact from him for 78 days.
It.
Was.
Awful.
But as hard as it was to say goodbye it was made entirely worth it by the impending hello as I waited nervously on the pier. Who knew that what I thought was just going to be a typical homecoming ceremony would turn out to be a grand proposal, dreamt up by my soulmate over the course of the past deployment and which my parents and family knew all about, much to my disbelief...
But every time he has to go back out again, whether it be for a few days, weeks, or months is still hard, regardless of the frequency with which these goodbyes and then hellos occur. I have spent countless hours sobbing in airports, on submarine piers, in my car, and in my bedroom. It's an unglamorous side to Navy wife life and I'm not going to pretend that it is in any way romanticized or looked forward to.
But every time he has to go back out again, whether it be for a few days, weeks, or months is still hard, regardless of the frequency with which these goodbyes and then hellos occur. I have spent countless hours sobbing in airports, on submarine piers, in my car, and in my bedroom. It's an unglamorous side to Navy wife life and I'm not going to pretend that it is in any way romanticized or looked forward to.
Paired with the involuntary separations from my sailor are the ones I have experienced almost as often from my parents.
I've mentioned it before and it comes as no secret but my parents are my best and greatest friends. I have no idea what I would do without them and I still call or skype with them every single day. They are my sounding boards, my biggest supporters, and tremendous sources of wisdom and guidance.
I have come back to the Sacramento area fairly frequently during the past year, each time being greeted by my own personal welcoming crew including the muffin, Rosie:
The unofficial mascot of Sacramento Airport...
I've mentioned it before and it comes as no secret but my parents are my best and greatest friends. I have no idea what I would do without them and I still call or skype with them every single day. They are my sounding boards, my biggest supporters, and tremendous sources of wisdom and guidance.
I have come back to the Sacramento area fairly frequently during the past year, each time being greeted by my own personal welcoming crew including the muffin, Rosie:
The unofficial mascot of Sacramento Airport...
But every time I descend that seemingly infinite escalator into the gauntlet of Gunn family bliss I know in the back of my mind that in a short amount of time I will have to ascend that stairway into the sky (complete with giant red rabbit sculpture overhead- shout out to all those that know what I'm talking about!), cling to my parents as we all cry while pretending not to, and board the inter-terminal light rail thingy, looking back sorrowfully until I can't take it any more.
I sound overly dramatic but even as I'm writing this 36,000 (or however high it is) feet in the sky, I'm trying to blink back tears so that the other passengers don't think I've lost my mind as I type away on my iPad.
Side note: It doesn't help that I decided to torture myself by watching the movie, Still Alice during my flight...Because nothing will make you cry like Julianne Moore being faced with early onset Alzheimer's Disease... Excuse me while I bawl into my tray table in the upright position...
So what's a frequent traveler and chronic wanderluster to do?! Even though the departures are inevitably difficult it doesn't lessen my desire to see the world, nor does it prevent me from my giant solo adventure coming up. How do we balance a need for companionship with open-mindedness, adventure, and expanding our personal horizons?
I could pretend to give you this prophetic answer with some inspiring quote I thought up in the shower but to be honest, I don't have a clue. I'm still trying to figure all this out.
There is a part of me that knows that I will eventually grow tired of the nomadic lifestyle and will want to settle down for awhile. Ultimately I want to live close to my family again, because I know deep in my heart that I want to maximize all the time I can with them. But in the meantime I just embrace the adventure, stock up on tissues, and a lot of the time I don't look back. Danny always asks me why I never look back after saying goodbye to him and I've always had to tell him that it's just way too hard. I lose my cool and explode into a pile of tears all over again.
I guess the best advice I can give is to remember that goodbyes are temporary (unless you don't want them to be!). I am a big fan of countdowns as it helps my mind realize that I have an escape plan in case all else fails and a loving support system waiting for me back home.
Last thing I will say is THANK GOODNESS for technology. I have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with technology but all my frustrations go to the wayside when I truly appreciate how lucky we are to be able to pick up a phone and call someone. To write them an email even when they are in a giant metal tube in the depths of some unknown ocean. For Skype and Facetime, despite the mostly crappy video quality and frequency of dropped calls.
So for all my fellow travelers out there hang in there, for at the end of each goodbye there's just a hello waiting for you on the other side (whoops I guess you can turn that into an inspirational poster with a cat suspended from a tree...my apologies).
Until next time!
Happy travels! (And don't forget the tissues!)
Freckles
I sound overly dramatic but even as I'm writing this 36,000 (or however high it is) feet in the sky, I'm trying to blink back tears so that the other passengers don't think I've lost my mind as I type away on my iPad.
Side note: It doesn't help that I decided to torture myself by watching the movie, Still Alice during my flight...Because nothing will make you cry like Julianne Moore being faced with early onset Alzheimer's Disease... Excuse me while I bawl into my tray table in the upright position...
So what's a frequent traveler and chronic wanderluster to do?! Even though the departures are inevitably difficult it doesn't lessen my desire to see the world, nor does it prevent me from my giant solo adventure coming up. How do we balance a need for companionship with open-mindedness, adventure, and expanding our personal horizons?
I could pretend to give you this prophetic answer with some inspiring quote I thought up in the shower but to be honest, I don't have a clue. I'm still trying to figure all this out.
There is a part of me that knows that I will eventually grow tired of the nomadic lifestyle and will want to settle down for awhile. Ultimately I want to live close to my family again, because I know deep in my heart that I want to maximize all the time I can with them. But in the meantime I just embrace the adventure, stock up on tissues, and a lot of the time I don't look back. Danny always asks me why I never look back after saying goodbye to him and I've always had to tell him that it's just way too hard. I lose my cool and explode into a pile of tears all over again.
I guess the best advice I can give is to remember that goodbyes are temporary (unless you don't want them to be!). I am a big fan of countdowns as it helps my mind realize that I have an escape plan in case all else fails and a loving support system waiting for me back home.
Last thing I will say is THANK GOODNESS for technology. I have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with technology but all my frustrations go to the wayside when I truly appreciate how lucky we are to be able to pick up a phone and call someone. To write them an email even when they are in a giant metal tube in the depths of some unknown ocean. For Skype and Facetime, despite the mostly crappy video quality and frequency of dropped calls.
So for all my fellow travelers out there hang in there, for at the end of each goodbye there's just a hello waiting for you on the other side (whoops I guess you can turn that into an inspirational poster with a cat suspended from a tree...my apologies).
Until next time!
Happy travels! (And don't forget the tissues!)
Freckles