Holy goodness. I leave in less than a week! I will board a plane to the other side of the world, armed only with a 40 liter carry-on sized backpack, a side bag, and a bundle of nerves and excitement. I. Can't. Wait.
But mixed up in all my excitement I have had since I first decided to take this huge leap to travel by myself to Southeast Asia are still worries and doubts. I'm not going to pretend that I am 100% gung-ho and fully mentally prepared. A couple of days ago I clung to my parents in an airport as I cried, my mom cried, my dad cried, we all cried. And I then had to do this again yesterday when my beloved soulmate left on another deployment. No matter how confident and sure I am that this trip will be a life-changing experience I am still scared out of my mind.
The biggest thing I'm worried about is my arch-nemesis: the great unknown. I like certainty. I like knowing where I'm going, when, and with whom. BUT in recent years I have had a number of circumstances thrown my way that have forced me to challenge my comfort zone, one of those being my great fear of the unknown. Sure, I've had my slip-ups along the way. I had a complete meltdown when I first went away to college and had to return home after only a quarter spent at University of Oregon. But I realized that the more I combatted my comfort-driven habits and routine, the more I grew and developed into the person I am today. This realization was in part the fuel to my Southeast Asia desire fire (say that five times fast!).
I've recently gotten so ingrained in a monotonous routine that I'm driven crazy by the sameness. I wanted something jarring to awaken my mind and spirit and I fully believe that this is just one step in that great direction. But as I've mentioned time and time again I am not immune to doubts. I've psyched myself out a number of times and questioned my decision altogether.
Some of the things I'm most worried about include:
1. Getting Lost:
But mixed up in all my excitement I have had since I first decided to take this huge leap to travel by myself to Southeast Asia are still worries and doubts. I'm not going to pretend that I am 100% gung-ho and fully mentally prepared. A couple of days ago I clung to my parents in an airport as I cried, my mom cried, my dad cried, we all cried. And I then had to do this again yesterday when my beloved soulmate left on another deployment. No matter how confident and sure I am that this trip will be a life-changing experience I am still scared out of my mind.
The biggest thing I'm worried about is my arch-nemesis: the great unknown. I like certainty. I like knowing where I'm going, when, and with whom. BUT in recent years I have had a number of circumstances thrown my way that have forced me to challenge my comfort zone, one of those being my great fear of the unknown. Sure, I've had my slip-ups along the way. I had a complete meltdown when I first went away to college and had to return home after only a quarter spent at University of Oregon. But I realized that the more I combatted my comfort-driven habits and routine, the more I grew and developed into the person I am today. This realization was in part the fuel to my Southeast Asia desire fire (say that five times fast!).
I've recently gotten so ingrained in a monotonous routine that I'm driven crazy by the sameness. I wanted something jarring to awaken my mind and spirit and I fully believe that this is just one step in that great direction. But as I've mentioned time and time again I am not immune to doubts. I've psyched myself out a number of times and questioned my decision altogether.
Some of the things I'm most worried about include:
1. Getting Lost:
You know when you're younger and you can't find your parents in the grocery store and you have that heart-sinking feeling that you are truly all alone and will never find your way out again?!
THAT is what I am most scared of. Especially because I won't have the convenience of being able to rope some supermarket employee into announcing over the P.A. system that, "Your child is waiting for you at guest services".
2. The Language Barrier:
There is a misconception among Americans that no matter where you go someone is bound to speak English. I fell into this assumption when I went to Japan last year and was completely lost in translation (pun very much intended). I was so sure that being in Tokyo we would have no problem with understanding and being understood. Boy was I wrong.
THAT is what I am most scared of. Especially because I won't have the convenience of being able to rope some supermarket employee into announcing over the P.A. system that, "Your child is waiting for you at guest services".
2. The Language Barrier:
There is a misconception among Americans that no matter where you go someone is bound to speak English. I fell into this assumption when I went to Japan last year and was completely lost in translation (pun very much intended). I was so sure that being in Tokyo we would have no problem with understanding and being understood. Boy was I wrong.
There are the nonverbal communication cues you can use but I always feel very silly and condescending as I try to engage the other person in an involuntary game of charades... In any case, I am particularly nervous to be in a place with a language so entirely different from my own. In Europe I can mostly hold my own with the little Spanish I can recognize, a great proficiency in French, and a learning knowledge of German (thanks to my German relatives!). But in Asia.... I'm sorry but I'm completely lost. I will be bringing a small phrasebook with me that I hope I won't be too embarrassed to use. I don't like to come across as "overly touristy" but that's a lost cause for many obvious reasons...
3. Becoming Overwhelmed:
As we all know I am prone to panic attacks. Sometimes it could be over something completely warranted but most of the time it is an entirely hyperbolic reaction to a very small inconvenience or issue.
Essentially I'm worried about getting worried. Makes so much sense, right?!
I am fully prepared to have at least one instance of utter frustration and panic, most likely over getting lost (see above) or transportation (see below). But in a way, acknowledging that it might, and let's be honest probably WILL happen is in a way comforting. It eliminates that whole fear of the unknown thing I'm so bent out of shape about.
As we all know I am prone to panic attacks. Sometimes it could be over something completely warranted but most of the time it is an entirely hyperbolic reaction to a very small inconvenience or issue.
Essentially I'm worried about getting worried. Makes so much sense, right?!
I am fully prepared to have at least one instance of utter frustration and panic, most likely over getting lost (see above) or transportation (see below). But in a way, acknowledging that it might, and let's be honest probably WILL happen is in a way comforting. It eliminates that whole fear of the unknown thing I'm so bent out of shape about.
4. Transportation Issues: After years of navigating public transportation by myself in Europe and both the East and West coast of the U.S. I consider myself somewhat of an expert when it comes to getting myself around without a vehicle. That all changed when I was in Tokyo.
To be fair though, the Japanese are almost too efficient when it comes to public transportation- between the seemingly ten billion different types of subways and the countless transfers we had to do to get from Point A to Point B I definitely had my fair share of freak outs and headaches.
I think the combination of such a strong language barrier and what I assume to be not entirely reliable schedules is the most daunting to me when it comes to Southeast Asia. But like every other form of public transit be it Tube, Light Rail, Bullet Train, or Muni (stupid stupid Muni) I know I will figure it out.
To be fair though, the Japanese are almost too efficient when it comes to public transportation- between the seemingly ten billion different types of subways and the countless transfers we had to do to get from Point A to Point B I definitely had my fair share of freak outs and headaches.
I think the combination of such a strong language barrier and what I assume to be not entirely reliable schedules is the most daunting to me when it comes to Southeast Asia. But like every other form of public transit be it Tube, Light Rail, Bullet Train, or Muni (stupid stupid Muni) I know I will figure it out.
5. Loneliness: This is the big one. I chose to go on this trip partially because no one would go with me and partially because I wanted to see how I would do on my own. I wanted to prove to myself that, in the words of the all-knowing Tina Belcher, "I'm a strong, smart, sensual woman".
While I love the company of others and consider myself to be an "extrovert" most of the time, I do still cherish my independence and alone time. Over the years as I've spent more and more time by myself I've realized how empowering it is to have the freedom to do whatever YOU, and only YOU, want to do. I have always felt like the planner among my friends, and let me tell you it gets exhausting trying to balance out everyone's separate wants and desires while being the perfectionist that I am, I try to make it the BEST DAY EVER. Only to be disappointed when things don't go entirely as planned...
Living in San Francisco was one of the greatest and most formative times in my life in terms of gaining independence and self-confidence. I felt like I could do and be anything that I wanted to be and live life on my terms. I spent weekends and even weekdays in between my classes exploring the city I grew up visiting and quickly fell in love with all over again when I actually got to live there. I thrived on my days spent wandering the various districts, stopping in shops or restaurants that caught my eye and following my own agenda. It was very liberating.
Oh I miss you beautiful city of mine!!
I'm hoping to channel that same sense of wanderlust and inter-dependence on my trip but I am also preparing myself to get a little bit lonely. I hate goodbyes and get incredibly homesick when I'm even gone for just a weekend from my family or my man so I know I am bound to have a moment or two (or ten) where my eyes well up with tears and I just lose it.
But as I look through pictures and blogs about all the stunning and magical places I will get to visit in a matter of days I know in the end that the temporary loneliness will all be worth it.
So, fellow travelers. How do you deal with trip anxiety? I would love to hear anyone's tips and tricks because I am still figuring this one out as I go! In the meantime though, I gotta get packing! Hopefully the busy-ness of getting ready for my 6 week trip will distract myself enough to the effect that I forget about all these trivial worries and doubts.
Hopefully. ;)
Until next time,
Happy Travels!!!
Freckles
While I love the company of others and consider myself to be an "extrovert" most of the time, I do still cherish my independence and alone time. Over the years as I've spent more and more time by myself I've realized how empowering it is to have the freedom to do whatever YOU, and only YOU, want to do. I have always felt like the planner among my friends, and let me tell you it gets exhausting trying to balance out everyone's separate wants and desires while being the perfectionist that I am, I try to make it the BEST DAY EVER. Only to be disappointed when things don't go entirely as planned...
Living in San Francisco was one of the greatest and most formative times in my life in terms of gaining independence and self-confidence. I felt like I could do and be anything that I wanted to be and live life on my terms. I spent weekends and even weekdays in between my classes exploring the city I grew up visiting and quickly fell in love with all over again when I actually got to live there. I thrived on my days spent wandering the various districts, stopping in shops or restaurants that caught my eye and following my own agenda. It was very liberating.
Oh I miss you beautiful city of mine!!
I'm hoping to channel that same sense of wanderlust and inter-dependence on my trip but I am also preparing myself to get a little bit lonely. I hate goodbyes and get incredibly homesick when I'm even gone for just a weekend from my family or my man so I know I am bound to have a moment or two (or ten) where my eyes well up with tears and I just lose it.
But as I look through pictures and blogs about all the stunning and magical places I will get to visit in a matter of days I know in the end that the temporary loneliness will all be worth it.
So, fellow travelers. How do you deal with trip anxiety? I would love to hear anyone's tips and tricks because I am still figuring this one out as I go! In the meantime though, I gotta get packing! Hopefully the busy-ness of getting ready for my 6 week trip will distract myself enough to the effect that I forget about all these trivial worries and doubts.
Hopefully. ;)
Until next time,
Happy Travels!!!
Freckles